Monday, November 16, 2009

Upcoming deployment

I rarely blog anymore. Blogging was a great outlet while my then-boyfriend, now-husband was deployed. But my blogging really petered out since he returned...over 3 years ago.

And in a few months he will be deploying again. But this time it will be a whole different situation: then we had only known each other a few months before he deployed. This time we will have been married a couple of years, and have two kids.

It will be a very different deployment. We will face different challenges: this time he will be saying goodbye to two young children, and his beloved dog, Susie. When he leaves our daughter will just be learning how to sit up, and might have a tooth or two. When he comes back she will be walking and talking. And our son, who is just 17 months old now, will be almost 3 when he gets back. So my husband will be missing out on a lot of developmental stages.

And not to cry myself a river, because I certainly have it a lot easier than many other military spouses, but I won’t be a carefree university student this time around. No, this time around, I will be a working mother of two…I won’t be able to sleep-in much that year. But I think that is a good thing: I won’t have much time to mope, because I will be so busy. My husband has said as much himself: he will have a few more responsibilities this time around as well.

I was prompted to write this post, because I got a comment today on a post I wrote before he deployed last time, and it was fascinating to reread it, and see who I was then, and my fears and thoughts before his departure.

A lot of what is written in that post is still true. But I would say there was a lot of the fear of the unknown then: I didn’t know what to expect. This time around I will have better expectation management. The fear about his safety will still be ever-present, but I don’t think I will be living and breathing the deployment as much as I did back then. In some ways it will be more difficult, because of the added responsibilities of taking care of a family on my own. But in many it will be easier, because I feel a lot more secure in our relationship and I will be distracted from my pity party.

Time will tell, and perhaps in three years I will re-read this post with fascination as well.